If I Stay
by abbyli
Summary: Life is finally good for Stefan Salvatore. He's happy, in love with his best friend, and getting ready to move out into the world. But that all comes to a tragic end on a rainy evening. Now he is stuck in the inbetween, forced to watch as Caroline and those he loves try to keep going, while he struggles with a choice. A choice to slip away and die or to stay.
1. the accident

**entitled: **If I Stay

**summary: **Life is finally good for Stefan Salvatore. He's happy, in love with his best friend, and getting ready to move out into the world. But that all comes to a tragic end on a rainy evening. Now Stefan is stuck in the inbetween, forced to watch as Caroline and those he loves try to keep going, while he himself struggles with a decision. To stay and to live a life that will be more difficult then he imagined or to slip away.

**pairings/characters: **steroline, bamon (later), defan, lexi, some mama salvatore

**rating: **t

**disclaimer: **I do not own The vampire Diaries or it's characters.

**notes: **The title may change, I am not sure. I have not seen the movie yet but I loved the idea so much that I had to write my own. I hope you beautiful people will give it a chance.

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_March 12__th__, 2012_

_I look at the radio clock and I see that it's almost midnight. Hard to believe that the night has flown by so quickly. We are driving home after finally leaving the concert house and the rain is pouring down. _

_Caroline's recital was beautiful. She stole the show, of course. And the others were good, I guess. Or maybe I'm just biased. She's got to stop inviting me to these things. And even if she did stop, would that stop me from going?  
_

_I enjoyed tonight, not just because I received the pleasure of hearing my girlfriend sing and show off her amazing abilities in music. But also because my mother and step-father came too. _

_My mother was smiling almost the whole night. She hardly let go of my step-father's hand, not that Greg minded. It is so nice to see her finally happy. Despite my father not being the best man in the world, she loved him dearly. He didn't deserve that love that she gave him. That love that was so perfect and pure. Greg does. Greg is a good man and my mother is at peace. That is all that matters. _

_I wish Damon could have been there - I like to think that - _

**_._**

**_._**

"Stefan? Are you still awake?"

His mother's gentle voice pulls Stefan Salvatore from his thoughts. His tired eyes glance up, seeing his mother gazing at him in the rear view mirror.

"Still kind of wired," he says with a weak smile. "I'm sure it will wear off soon enough."

Antonia Salvatore-Kinsey's smile is warm, her eyes so like his crinkling with gentleness and love.

"Well, it's still going to be a while before we get home. Maybe longer if this rain doesn't let up. Why don't you try to get some sleep?"

Stefan shifts in his seat, glancing sideways at his dozing stepfather in the front passenger side.

Greg Kinsey was a good man. A man that Stefan respected. An English professor at the nearby college, with his own personal library that the young boy liked to get lost in for hours at a time. But the most important thing? He made Stefan's mother happy.

Antonia became a mother at a very young age, giving birth to Damon Salvatore at the age of seventeen. She was young, in love with an older man, and not really understanding what was going on around her. After Damon's birth, Antonia had married his father, Guiseppe, having Stefan a good five years later. To put it bluntly, it wasn't the happiest of marriages.

That didn't matter now. Guiseppe had been out of the picture for a good two years and - well, things were better.

Things were good.

Stefan is pulled out of his thoughts once again by the loud and abrupt buzzing of his phone. He hears his mother's quick intake of breath at the sound, murmuring a soft apology as he quickly puts the phone on silent before he looks at the message.

It's from Caroline.

_Are u guys home yet?_

He hides a smirk as he replies.

_How many times do I tell you to spell words correctly when you text? _Insert stupid happy face.

His phone is silent for a moment before it practically explodes.

_IS THIS BETTER, O' TEACHER?! _

Snickering now, Stefan quickly types back a reply.

_Much better, o' student. _

But of course, a moment later -

_Ur lucky ur cute. _

Stefan smiles again before he answers Caroline's first question.

_I'm sure. And no, we are not home yet. The rain is pretty bad. _

Caroline's answer is a worried one.

_Oh no. Please dont take any chances._

Stefan wants to answer her back. He really does.

But he can't.

**.**

**.**

Life is hard. Sometimes it's almost too difficult to get out of bed in the morning.

Things are finally right for Stefan Salvatore. He's seventeen years old, in love with his best friend, getting ready to attend college and work on having a good life.

That's all he wants. That's all he wants for the people that he loves.

But it's on a rainy evening when all of that comes to an end.

**.**

**.**

"Stefan? Stefan, honey, can you please put that phone away? The light is very distracting."

Those are the last words that Stefan hears from his mother. He doesn't even get to say anything back because - well, because there's so much light that next moment.

Not a warm light, not a blazing sun, nothing like that.

Two headlights coming straight at them, with the loud shrillness of a horn being laid on that rings in his ears.

Stefan's phone flies out of his hand, hitting the opposing window as the whole car swerves. He hears nothing but that horn, continuing to blast through his head.

He doesn't feel the impact as the other car hits them. He doesn't feel anything.

But the darkness? He welcomes it.

**.**

**.**

Caroline Forbes never gets a message back from Stefan.

She waits for it. She wait's a good twenty minutes.

Perhaps his mom asked him to turn the phone off until they got home. Yes, that was most likely it. Anyway, it was stupid for her to start texting him while he and his family were trying to get home from _her _recital.

Just give them some time, Caroline. They'll be fine.

She tells herself that until two in the morning.

That's when she starts calling Stefan's phone. And his mom's cell.

They ring and ring and ring. No voicemail, no nothing.

By three am, Caroline is starting to panic. That's when she wakes up her mother.

Liz Forbes isn't too pleased when her daughter wakes her up out of a sound sleep but she does listen to Caroline's worries.

"Okay, honey, I'll call the station," she says, rising out of bed.

Caroline follows her mother out of the bedroom and down to the kitchen, trying to keep herself somewhat busy while her mother begins to make some calls. She glances at her own phone at least thirty times, trying to will it's silence into something else. Anything else.

"...Oh, really? Oh. Oh, no..."

Those words. Those words will haunt Caroline for the rest of her life.

Her mug of tea trembles in her fingers as she watches her mother slowly hang up the phone and turn towards her.

"Mom..."

Liz Forbes loves her daughter so much and she hates to see her in any pain. After her husband left, she thought that that was probably the worst kind of pain. The pain of abandonment.

But this -

"Caroline..." Liz begins, swallowing at the effort of the words. "Caroline, there's been an accident."

**.**

**.**

**.**

_**To be continued…**_

**Review? **


	2. the day we met

_**the day we met**_

* * *

_**February 5**__**th**__**, 2011**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_Caroline Forbes is the first person he sees when he returns to school. _

_Well, he doesn't actually _return_ to school. It's more of sitting on the steps to the building and freezing his ass off in the snow. _

_He can't go in. He just can't. _

_So he stays right there on those icy steps, watching as people mill in and out, not really paying any attention to what is going on around him and feeling more and more numb as the temperature drops more and more. _

_And then - _

"_What the hell are you doing out here in the cold?" _

_Well, that wakes him up. _

_A moment later, a heavy coat is being dropped on his shoulders. _

"_You're an idiot. Get inside." _

_He glances up and there she is. _

_She wears a thick woolen coat that is buttoned up to her throat, a bright pink scarf looped around her neck. Blond hair, dotted with snowflakes, frames her pretty face and warm eyes, eyes like a rainbow, gaze down at him. _

"_I know you," he mumbles, his words thick and heavy. It takes him a second to realize that his lips are practically frozen. "You're in my art history class." _

"_And your geography class. You're the cute showoff that knows everything about the world," the girl responds with a smile. _

_Cute. She called him cute. _

_Well, she also called him a showoff but to each his own. _

_She holds out a gloved hand, not bringing it away when he doesn't take it immediately. _

"_My name's Caroline." _

_And then he takes her hand because maybe - maybe he needs someone to hold onto. _

"_Stefan." _

**_._**

**_._**

"_Can I ask what you were doing out there?" Caroline asks him two nights later. "Why were you attempting to become the first human popsicle?" _

_He smirks down into his coffee, hearing the attempt at lightness in her gentle voice even though it wasn't working out so well. _

_He swallows another gulp of the now lukewarm liquid before he answers. _

"_I'll tell you after you tell me why we are here in this place?" _

_You see, they are not in just any old coffeehouse. They are in a remake of freaking Central Perk. There are couches and chairs all over and a freaking stage. _

"_Don't tell me it's karaoke night?" _

_Caroline snorts, watching out of the corner of her eye as a mousy looking gentleman comes out from behind the bar and walks up to the stage. _

"_Not exactly." _

"_All right, all right, all right. I know you beautiful people don't want to listen to me talk - even though I fancy myself a heck of comedian. Here she is, you have all been waiting for her, the amazing Caroline Forbes!" _

_That same mousy gentleman lightly leaps off of the stage as Caroline rises to her feet, smiling at the people that are now applauding her. It's a light applause but fervent, like they have been here before. _

"_You've got to be kidding me," Stefan mumbles to himself, watching as this young woman that he had just met two days before walks up to the stage and sits down on the stool behind the microphone. _

_Caroline leans forward, her lips barely grazing the edge of the mike. Her right hand reaches down and picks up the guitar that Stefan just noticed was laying by the stool. _

"_Hey guys. It's so nice to be up here again after so long," she says, her curtains of sunshine hair falling around her face. "I want to do a song that I have been working on for a while. There's no title yet but I am open for suggestions. Are we game?" _

_The patrons chuckle softly, settling back in their seats as the light strumming of cords begins to pick up, the gentle chords of music and a breath of life finding it's dance in the air. _

_And when she sings, it's the voice of heaven. Angels personally created the voice that is coming out of that slim throat. It reminds him of the warmth of spring but teetering edge of a early autumn morning. Joy and rebirth but also a goodbye and a goodnight. Words of love, a whisper of hope. _

**_._**

**_._**

"_Thanks for telling me you are a local celebrity."  
_

_Caroline's laughter reminds him of a child on Christmas morning, filled with a light joy that is inconceivable to him. _

_Joy didn't seem possible now. _

_His mother had woken him up with her screams last night, calling out for his brother and begging for forgiveness. For everything she had done. _

_He didn't blame her in the slightest. _

_But the pain - the grief - _

_It was almost like Damon had died. _

_And maybe he had, in a way. Because the Damon he had grown up with, the Damon that had protected him from the bullies on the playground, that had let a five year old him crawl into bed with him when there was a thunderstorm - that Damon was gone. _

"_My mother and I had to put my brother into rehab." _

_The words fly out of his mouth faster than he can control them but he doesn't try to retract the statement. Those words needed to be said. _

_By Caroline's abrupt silence, he can tell she is listening. _

_They continue to walk forward down the cobblestone street. Golden twinkle lights are strung around the trees, their tiny beams dancing before his eyes. A light snow has begun to fall, painting the picture of a perfect winter evening, even though it was the exact opposite. _

"_My older brother, Damon," he explains softly. "He - uh, he -" Now the words aren't coming out as quickly as he wants them too. _

"_Stefan," Caroline says, her gloved hand resting on his elbow. "You don't have too." _

_He shakes his head. "No, it's all right." He has to do this. With a swallow, he tries again. "Our father wasn't the best father in the world. In fact, he was a right douchebag." _

_Caroline nods. She knows what it's like to have a father not really care about you. _

"_And he didn't care about Damon. He liked me but - I don't know, maybe because Damon didn't want to do everything that he wanted him to do. I was more interested in avoiding a fight. But Damon, he didn't care."_

_For the past year, watching his brother breaking down and not being able to do anything about it - he had wondered. Wondered if perhaps this was better. That maybe letting Damon go into his own private world where there was no pain, no hatred - just numbness - maybe that was better for him. For all of them. _

_But the pain wasn't going away. In fact, it was worse. _

_He wanted his brother back. _

"_I hate them, Caroline," he says suddenly, his words causing Caroline to freeze in her tracks. "I hate my father for being so cruel and I hate my mother for still loving him even though she saw what he was doing to her son." The words continue to fall off his tongue with no hope of stopping until Caroline's warm arms are wrapping around him. _

_He stops talking after a moment, his words reduced to a ramble of nonsense that he can't even understand. His own arms hang slack at his sides and he greedily sucks in the chilly night air, his breathes coming out in heavy gasps, the white clouds hovering in the air to be erased by the falling snow. _

_And then he hugs her back. He holds on. _

"_I'm so sorry," Caroline breathes, hugging him even tighter. _

_He's heard so many of those 'I'm sorry's' in the past few days. Nurses and doctors at the rehab hospital, from his mother, from the teachers at school that knew what was going on. And he hated them. None of them were right, none of them sounded like they meant anything at all. _

_This time, he believes it. From a girl he barely knows, he believes it. _

_Maybe he _can_ heal._

* * *

_**.**_

_**.**_

**Step two, the first flashback. Damon has been in rehab for the past year and what led up to that will be explored more later on. I wanted to touch on the first day that Stefan met Caroline and how she showed up in his life at the right place and the right time and pulled him right from the edge of the abyss that he was sure he was going to fall into. **

**Back to present day in the following chapter. **

**Reviews? **


	3. if i stay

_**if i stay**_

* * *

**.**

**.**

She remembers walking in a fog.

Her mother had to treat her like a baby, to get her dressed and then practically lead her out to her car. On the drive there, she begins to wake up.

The only information that her mother had been able to get from the deputy that she had spoken with at the station was that there had been a two car wreck and they weren't sure yet if drugs or alcohol were involved. There had been one death and two were teetering on the brink.

But who had died?

* * *

"When this kid wakes up, he is going to wake up an orphan," the doctor says softly.

"_If _he wakes up," the nurse says, gently draping the sheet over the young man's form, pinning it up to drape the side.

"Don't say that," the doctor says with a snap.

"Sorry."

"Have you found any other family yet?" the doctor asks.

The nurse nods. "He has a brother that lives in a rehab facility in the next state. I think that's it."

"Find him. He's got to know."

"Yes, doctor."

The doctor stands back, her eyes taking in a full assessment of the young man's injuries. Such work and it's going to take so much time but -

She leans down, reaching one hand underneath the sheet and taking the boy's battered fingers in her own. She pulls her mask down with her other hand, her lips a breath's away from the boy's ear.

"You are going to have a long uphill battle to fight, honey," she whispers. "You are still here. But if you need to let go...let go...I am not giving up on you though. This is all up to you now, love."

* * *

Caroline nearly trips over her own feet as she follows her mother through the electric doors to the hospital emergency room. Liz turns around just in time to catch her daughter before she tumbles to the floor, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and guiding her to the receptionist's desk.

"Excuse me," her mother says once they reach the desk. "I'm Sheriff Forbes. I received a call tonight that the Kinsey family had been in an accident and I am here to check on their status."

Caroline always thought it was funny that Stefan had decided to keep the last name of Salvatore even after everything he and his brother had been through at their father's hands. When she had asked if he would take Greg's last name, he had smiled, giving her the softest of looks before shaking his head.

"_Despite everything that our father did, his name is still my name. There is nothing I can do to change that."  
_

A part of who he was.

Caroline was relieved that she had never met Giuseppe Salvatore. Just the mere thought of this man made her blood go cold but - but Stefan never really had a bad thing to say about him. In the end, it wasn't too difficult to figure out what had happened, especially due to Damon having to be placed in a rehabilitation center.

The receptionist hits some keys on her computer, glancing at the information on the screen before a somber expression crosses her face.

Caroline's knees begin to tremble. Her mother's arm tightens around her shoulders, holding her up.

"Mrs. Kinsey is still in surgery," the receptionist says. "And Mr. Kinsey -" her voice trails off.

Oh, god. Ohgodohgodohgod.

"God..." Liz murmurs, shaking her head.

"And Stefan?" Caroline cuts in. "What about Stefan?" She watches as the receptionist types in the name and shakes her head.

"There is no Stefan Kinsey here."

"His last name is Salvatore," Caroline says. "He didn't take Kinsey, he is still Salvatore."

A few more clicks of the keyboard. "Ah, yes, there he is. Stefan is still in surgery too. That is all the information I can give you. You will have to talk to the doctor."

Liz bids her thanks and steers Caroline to a chair, plopping her down with a bit more force than intended. As soon as she settles her in, her pager begins to go off.

She glances down at the small black box, sighing softly as she replaces it in her belt. "Honey, they need me at the scene," she says. "I've got to go."

Caroline nods, swallowing at the lump in her throat that is just not going down.

"It's okay," she says. "Be careful."

Liz brushes her lips against Caroline's forehead, leaning back to take in her daughter. "You will stay here and wait for news?"

"Where else would I be?" Caroline says. "I will call you as soon as I hear anything."

"My phone will be on," Liz says before kissing her one more time. "I love you."

"Love you too."

It's reluctantly that Liz Forbes backs away and leaves her daughter behind in that big, empty waiting room.

* * *

"Dr. Miller, his pressure is dropping."

* * *

"Is there anyone here for an Antonia Kinsey?"

Caroline's head shoots up.

Almost an hour later with no word, no nothing on either Stefan or his mother. Caroline has talked to her own mother twice, barely listening to what Liz tells her that she has found out at the scene. Both women know that it's not ethical to share details of an investigation and Caroline already has a feeling that her mother will be pulled off this case soon but - this is Stefan. This is Antonia and Greg.

Everything has changed in one horrible night.

That one thought has settled in her mind though.

They were on their way back from seeing her perform at the recital. They had driven all that way to see _her_.

And they had gotten into this accident.

Oh, god...

Caroline shakily gets to her feet, staggering over to where the large black doctor in scrubs stands, surgical cap still on his head. She notices a small drop of blood on his scrub top and tries so hard to keep her dinner down.

"Are you family?" the doctor says, peering down at her.

Caroline nods. "I'm a friend."

The doctor shifts uneasily on the balls of his feet. "Honey, I think you need to get in contact with the family and ask if it's all right -"

"They don't have any other family, all they had was each other," Caroline suddenly bursts out. "And Greg's dead and Damon's somewhere and Stefan -" her voice cracks, teetering dangerously on the abyss of anguish and grief. Looking up into the doctor's sympathetic brown eyes, she fights back a sob. "Mrs. Kinsey died, didn't she?"

The doctor nods, reaching up and gently patting her on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, honey. We did all we could. There was just too much internal damage."

Hot tears glaze her eyes, threatening to spill. Caroline swipes them away as best she can but a few stubborn ones escape down her cheeks.

"And Stefan?"

The doctor's eyebrows raise. "Is that her son?"

Caroline barely nods. "They haven't told me anything."

The doctor raises his chin, glancing thoughtfully over the top of her head. "All right, I will see what I can find out."

Relief pools in her belly. "Thank you."

Just before the doctor leaves, he turns on his heel, looking back in her direction. "Did you say that they had another family member?" he asks.

Caroline chews on her bottom lip, guilt rising once again for a very different reason.

"Mrs. Kinsey's older son, Damon. He's been ... out of the state for the past year."

"You should try to get a hold of him," the doctor says. "He needs to know."

* * *

"Dr. Miller, we're losing him."

* * *

Caroline's phone rings while she is googling the phone number for the rehab center. She glances at the caller id, finding an unknown number gazing back at her.

"Hello?" she whispers tentatively into the receiver.

"_Is this Caroline?_" a male voice greets her. A voice that sounds a bit like...

"Yes, who's this?" Caroline says, barely letting herself breathe.

"_This is Damon, Stefan's brother," _the voice says, lowering in gruffness and a familiar irritation. _"I found your number in the book. Can you tell me where he is? He is not picking up his phone." _

"Uh..." Caroline trails off, glancing wildly at the obnoxiously loud ticking clock on the wall that is glaring at her from across the room. "Damon, you need to come home."

"_And why would I want to do that?" _Damon snarls, rudely. And then the phone clicks, a soft dial tone in her ear.

Caroline's jaw falls open and she stares stonily at her phone for a moment before furiously punching in the numbers of the caller id once again.

"_This is Damon Salvatore. I am not in. If I wanted to be in, I would have picked up the phone_."

God, even his voicemail message is rude.

Once it beeps : "Damon, this is Caroline. I suggest you come home right now because your brother and parents have been in a car accident and they need you. And if you give a flying damn about them at all, you will get your ass home."

You see, Damon had been released from rehab two months before but hadn't bothered to come home. Caroline didn't know the whole story about the reason he had been put in rehab, and hadn't asked. It was a story that Stefan would tell her in time.

If he could.

* * *

"Dr. Miller, there is no pulse."

Screw everything she has just said. This kid isn't dying today.

Violet Miller is a pediatric surgeon. She works generally in the ER and she has seen so much death in the last years of her career. And in cases like these, there is no choice but to give up because it is all up to the child.

As Violet gazes down at the boy's face, at the furrowed brow and the smooth cheeks - the long neck and the slim fingered hands, she sees a future for him. She sees a long beautiful life where he can rebuild and find a new home.

"Come on, honey," she whispers through her mask as she works on his chest. "Come on. You've got it in you. You are a fighter. Come on."

Her eyes dart to the heart monitor, her breath clenched in her chest. She continues chest compressions, the nurse continuing the breaths.

Nothing.

"How long has he been down?" she asks, not tearing her eyes away from the monitor.

"Almost 20 minutes," says the tech. "Doctor, he won't be able to take much more."

"I know," Violet says. "I know." She lifts her hands up from the boy's chest, taking in a choked gasp. Her eyes remain on the monitor, silent prayers on her lips.

And then...

_Beep. _

"Is that a beat?" the nurse gasps.

_Beep, beep. _

Followed by a few more.

"He's back."

* * *

"Did they figure out what had caused the accident?"

Liz Forbes shakes her head, sinking down into the chair beside her daughter. "It's going to take a while for the investigation to be finished," she says as she slips her arm around Caroline's shoulders. "But it looks like the other guy may have fallen asleep at the wheel."

"Who was driving?" Caroline asks, her mother immediately understanding the question.

"His mom was. Mr. Kinsey was asleep in the front seat and Stefan was in the back. He was only wearing his lap belt so ..." her voice trails off.

Caroline nods, holding up a hand. She can't hear anymore. She doesn't want too.

She can't.

A woman suddenly walks into the waiting room, dark brown hair pulled back in a tight bun and a surgical mask draped around her neck.

"Is there anyone here for Stefan Salvatore?" she says, her voice teetering on hopeful.

And Caroline nearly faints.

Liz presses a hand to her shoulder, keeping her in her chair while she rises up to where the doctor is waiting.

"I'm Sheriff Forbes," she says, reaching the doctor.

Violet Miller's eyes dart to where Caroline is seated and she sighs softly.

"Stefan coded twice," she says. "But we got him back. He's stable now but -"

"But what?" Caroline asks from her seat, pulling herself up on unsteady legs.

"Stefan sustained some massive internal injuries from the accident," Violet says gently. "It's a wonder he has made it this far and...he is in a coma. A deep one."

A coma…a coma…

If it wasn't for her mother's steady hand on her back, Caroline would have fallen to the floor.

"I've repaired the damage inside," Violet says. "The rest is up to Stefan now."

* * *

_He's alone. _

_There's nothing around. Absolutely nothing. _

_Fear clenches in his belly and he begins to move forward, his head twisting from side to side, his eyes searching for something. Anything to hold onto. _

"_Mom?!" he calls out, ignoring the slight tremor of his voice. "Greg?!" _

_What happened to him? _

_He continues moving forward, arms thrust out in front of him. Looking – searching – _

_And then a hand takes his. _

_He staggers back, pulling his hand out of the grip. "Who's there?" he calls, his voice shaking. "Mom?" _

_And then the darkness is gone, just like that. _

_Blinking in the sudden light, Stefan swallows back a small cry. The woman that is standing in front of him is not his mother, far from it actually. _

"_Lexi?"_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

* * *

**Longer chapter, yay! **

**Okay, I lied, I thought Bamon was going to be coming in in this chapter but it just didn't fit. **

**Lexi will be playing a part in the next few chapters, more of Stefan's guide in the in-between but she won't be there forever. This is a journey that Stefan will have to make alone and a choice he will have to make on his own. Like Violet says: 'The rest is up to Stefan now'. **

**Damon will be there in the flesh next chapter, followed soon by Bonnie. **

**Review? **


	4. lexi

_**lexi**_

* * *

**.**

**.**

**.**

_July 12__th__, 2008_

_We received some horrible news today. Lexi Branson is dead. She was twenty seven. _

_She died after a short battle with leukemia that was caught too late. _

_I never wrote about Lexi before. I hadn't seen her in almost nine years, ever since she moved away from town. _

_My family moved to Mystic Falls when I was in first grade. When I joined the class, I was given a buddy, an older student that would keep an eye on me for a few weeks and help me adjust. That student was Lexi. She was in ninth grade and actually planning on becoming a teacher. That was all she talked about. _

_I remember that we became really close and she took good care of me for almost the whole year. And then her family moved out of town right around summer vacation and that was the last I ever saw of her. I did get a few letters in the mail that my mother read to me but - I don't know why I never tried to write her back. And then the letters stopped coming. _

_Lexi was a kindergarten teacher when she died. I guess she did have her wish come true. _

_I just hope that she found some peace. _

_**.**_

_**.**_

"Lexi?"

She was just the way he remembered her. A little older of course, but still the same beautiful, blond haired, sassy girl that took good care of him during a very difficult time in his life.

His Lexi.

Her smile is the same. So is her laugh when he finds himself staggering forward and wrapping her in his arms.

"Oomph," she chuckles, her tiny arms barely fitting around his waist. "When did you get so tall, kiddo?"

He pulls away, hastily trying to ignore the sudden tears in his eyes. "I think you shrank a little."

Lexi gives him a smile that he remembers as finding so precious, so dear. And he holds on.

"Where is here?" he asks softly. "What happened?"

"You were in an accident, kiddo," Lexi whispers. "Do you remember any of it?"

He shakes his head, his eyes shifting to a point in the dark abyss somewhere that is behind the girl in his arms.

"No, I don't," he says. "What about Mom and Greg? Where are they?"

Lexi's silence answers it all.

His fingers grip her shoulders and he looks down. "Lexi," he says, voice trembling. "Lexi, where are my parents?"

But he doesn't want to hear her say it. Because if Lexi says it, then it will make it true.

Please, god, no.

_No. _

"I'm so sorry, Stef," Lexi murmurs, her blue eyes just so damn sad and he hates it. He hates all of it.

**.  
**

**.**

The fog had just settled in.

"Caroline? Caroline, honey?"

Her mother's voice is so far away. She feels like that she is at the top of a mountain and her mother is at the bottom, calling her home.

But she can't come home.

"Caroline, would you like to see Stefan?"

That does it.

The hazy cloud lifts and Caroline can see again. Her mother is gazing at her with such sympathy and for some reason, she wants it to go away. She wants to be alone and away from all of this because it seems like that Stefan is already dead and she is in mourning.

She already is.

Caroline starts to shake her head but her mother takes her hand, pulling her from her chair.

"I think you need this," Liz says, her fingers sliding around hers and holding on tight.

Caroline doesn't say a word as her mother guides her to the elevators and hits the up button. The doors slip open almost immediately and it's thankfully empty. The Forbes women step on and the doors slide shut. Liz's free hand hits a numbered button and the box jars to life.

"There's a tube down Stefan's throat, helping him breathe," Liz says after a second of silence. "His face is bruised and there is a cut on his forehead that has some stitches. And one of his hands is broken."

"Mom, why are you telling me this?" Caroline says suddenly. "Why would I want to hear any of this?"

"Because you need to prepare yourself, sweetie," Liz replies. "Stefan's body is different, more broken. And –"

"And he's dead," Caroline snaps.

"No."

Liz's voice is firmer than Caroline is used too. She looks at her mother, eyes wide and suddenly burning with fresh tears.

Her mother is looking back at her, her own eyes, so like hers, moist but strong willed.

"Honey, Stefan is still here. He is still holding on," Liz murmurs. "And I think the reason why he is, is because of you."

**.  
**

**.**

The last time he had actually cried was on that horrible night after his brother had to go into rehab. He never thought any kind of pain could actually match that but he was sorely mistaken.

Lexi's arms are around him and he barely feels it.

He swipes a hand across his face and pulls away moisture. Tears. Real tears.

"Did she suffer?" he whispers. "Did they…?"

Lexi's voice is small. "No."

And then…

"Am I dead too?"

Lexi's head shake, he does feel that against his arm. He can feel her even though –

"No," Lexi whispers, her lips moving against his shoulder blade. After a second, she steps back. "Not yet. You're in between."

"What does that mean?"

"It means this, and I don't think you are going to like it," Lexi says, her hand still resting on his elbow. "You have to make a choice. A choice to either move on or to stay."

To stay…

To stay alive.

"If I stay?" he whispers.

"Life is going to be hard," Lexi says. "I am not going to lie to you, kiddo. It's actually going to suck at some times."

"What's the upside to it, then?" Stefan snaps. "To going back to a life where I am an orphan, my brother hates me, and I have nothing?"

"Well, there are a few things," Lexi replies. "A someone."

And those words settle in his brain.

A someone.

_Caroline._

**.**

**.**

"_What are you writing?" _

_Like his hands had wings, the notebook is gone and stuffed back into his bag in an instant. Big green puppy dog eyes gaze up at her innocently and she almost forgets. _

"_What?" _

_Caroline rolls her eyes. "What is in the book, Stefan?" she persists lightly, making a playful grab for the bag. Stefan snatches out of her reach, giving her a grin and a 'none of your business' look. "A love letter to one of your many girlfriends?" she says, removing her hand from the top of the bag. _

_Stefan snorts, pushing the bag further out of her reach with his foot. "If you must know," he says, his hand lacing around her wrist and pulling her down into his lap. Caroline lets out a laugh and she wraps her arm around his neck. "It's some writing I have been working on. And if you behave yourself and stop being so nosy, I will show it to you someday." _

"_What kind of writing?" Caroline asks. _

_Stefan shrugs a shoulder. "Just…some writing." _

"_Stefan!" _

"_Okay, it's a poem. You happy now?" _

_A smile that could light up the heart of Ebenezer Scrooge crosses Caroline's face. She giggles that adorable giggle that always reduces him to putty and he is sorely tempted to actually push her right off of his lap because he knows she is about to get her way. _

"_Caroline, don't ask me, okay?" _

_Caroline chuckles. "Okay, I won't ask." She rises up and takes his hand. "How about some food instead?" _

_He smiles too, getting to his feet. "Sounds good." _

_**.  
**_

_**.**_

What surprised her the most when she stumbled through those doors was how _normal _Stefan looked.

Okay, the tube down his throat and all the machines didn't help.

But he honestly looked like he was sleeping.

It takes Caroline a minute to realize that her mother hadn't followed her into the room. She glances behind her and sees the back of her mother's long jacket disappearing from view around the corner.

"Mom, what –" And the words die in her throat.

Her mother had planned this. No matter how painful it was going to be, her mother was right and she had to do this.

She had to be with him.

Caroline turns back towards the bed and the beeping machines. The machines that are keeping Stefan, her Stefan, here.

"Stefan?" she whispers, standing almost three feet away from the bed.

His good hand rests on top of the sheets, fingers long and slim and spread out.

Inching closer, she takes that hand.

It's warm.

Her eyes trace his form and she sighs, sinking down onto the bed beside his knees, her fingers still wrapped around his hand.

"Please stay…"

**.**

**.**

* * *

**I am such a rotten person. I keep promising Damon and he is not here yet. But sadly, Damon is just not fitting in yet. And it sucks because I really want to bring him and Bonnie in but having him in before it's right, the story won't flow. Right now, it is all about Stefan and Caroline and their relationship and their love. **

**Thanks guys. Review?**


	5. damon

_**damon**_

* * *

**.**

_**My apologies for the lateness of this update. I kind of stumbled into the Walking Dead/Bethyl fandom and then had a hell of a year and not in the good sense. **_

**.**

**.**

When you care about someone, hurt is part of the package.

This is a big hurt.

Caroline doesn't leave Stefan's side that night. Her mother does come back and camps out in the other chair, dozing off and on and tiptoeing out to get coffee and tea. Caroline stays right where she is, never letting go of his hand.

Early that following morning, she's ready to drop.

"Sweetheart, you need to go home and get some sleep," Liz whispers, her hands resting on her daughter's shoulders.

"I'm not leaving," Caroline murmurs, running a tired hand through her hair.

"Then why don't you go home and have a hot shower?" Liz says. "Not to be rude but you kind of stink."

Caroline glances at her mother, seeing the attempt to make her smile but she can't even try. There's no way.

"I will be right here with him," her mother says. "I will call you if anything, _anything _at all happens."

Liz knows her words are working because Caroline is - she's - there is really nothing to say.

With her mother's help, Caroline slowly rises to her feet. She moves like a ghost, kissing Stefan's cool hand before giving Liz a one armed hug. "Thank you," she whispers in her mother's ear before she moves to the door and nearly stumbles down to the elevators.

She arrives to the lobby in a fog, more of exhaustion and sorrow than anything else. As the elevator doors open, the first thing she sees is the coffee machine.

Making a beeline for that, she presses a few quarters in the slot, listening to the gurgles as the hot and probably disgusting liquid begins to brew and pour itself into a paper cup.

And then -

"Excuse me, where's my mother?"

The voice is loud, shrewd, and _very _familiar.

Caroline turns around, holding her cup in her hands. Standing there, at the receptionist's desk, is a young man with long messy raven hair. He stands over the timid looking nurse, his back muscles clenched and fingers pursed around the edges of the desk frame.

Caroline moves closer.

"Your mother's name?" the nurse asks.

"Antonia Salvatore - er, Kinsey."

Oh, god.

Caroline nearly drops her coffee in shock. As she moves even closer to this young man, she sees it now. The same raven hair, the same ivory skin - he looks just like her.

Stefan's brother. Antonia's older son.

Damon.

The elevator bell dings. Caroline can hear the familiar click-clack of her mother's boots but she barely listens, unable to take her eyes off of this man.

"Caroline, you forgot your - Damon?"

Damon looks up as the nurse is still typing on the keyboard. "Sheriff Forbes?"

Wait a minute -

Caroline looks back and forth between Damon and her mother. Damon quickly pushes past her, reaching out for her mother's hands.

"Where is she?" he gasps. "Where's my mother?"

"Took you long enough to get here," Caroline says curtly, her arms folded in front of her chest.

Damon's blue eyes dart her way.

"Who the hell are you?"

Liz quickly puts out an arm, stopping Caroline from coming any closer. "Damon, this is my daughter, Caroline." She gently places a hand on Damon's shoulder, bringing his attention back to her. "Damon, honey, I need you to listen to me and listen closely. There was a car accident two nights ago."

Damon pushes her hand away. "Where is my mother, Sheriff?" he says again.

Liz sighs softly. "Honey, she didn't make it."

Before Caroline's eyes, she watches this man fall apart. The pain - the absolute heartbreak is almost impossible to witness.

Damon shakes his head, running a shaking hand over his face. "No - no, no, no. No, you're wrong."

But with that one look, just the one look from her mother and he knows that it's the truth. The horrible truth.

He covers his mouth with his hand, a choking sob muffled by his fingers. Another follows and he tries to push Liz's comforting hands away again but he gives in.

And Caroline does turn away this time.

* * *

She can't be there right now. She can't.

Knowing that she is not fit to drive, Caroline catches a cab home. When the cab pulls up to her home, she hurriedly presses a twenty into the driver's hand and bolts from the car and into the house. She doesn't stop until she slams through the bathroom door and falls over the toilet bowl, vomiting up whatever is left in her stomach.

Tears of discomfort burn her eyes, falling down her cheeks. She swipes them away as she rises up slowly on shaky legs, flushing the toilet and spraying some air freshener.

The tears continue to fall as she leans over the sink, trying not to dry heave. God, grief -

Grief is a funny thing.

Grief can affect every person differently. One person may shut down, another may act like a raving lunatic.

But grief...grief cannot be ignored. There is no way. It's always there, festering below the surface, ready to claw its way out and claim you.

Caroline brushes her teeth. She strips off her clothes and steps into the shower, turning the water on as hot as she could stand it. She stands there, allowing the water to stream down her back until it runs cold.

Not even bothering to look for clean clothes, she paws through the hamper and pulls out a pair of her track pants from cheerleading and a teeshirt, slipping them on. Sleep is weighing on her eyelids, her whole damn body. She is ready to drop and she wonders if she will make it to her bedroom.

Big mistake.

As soon as she pushes open her bedroom door, she sees them. All of them.

So many photographs all over the place, mostly of her and Stefan.

There's one - one that her friend Chloe had taken some time ago.

**.**

**.**

"_Aw...you two are so cute I kind of want to throw up." _

_Caroline laughs, pulling away from Stefan's embrace as her redheaded friend comes closer. "When did you get here?" she asks with a grin. _

"_Just a few minutes ago. How are you feeling?" _

"_Better. Much better. I think I am ready to go back to practice." _

"_Wrong," Stefan says from her right. "She still has a fever and she walks like a drunk hobo." _

"_I do not!" Caroline says, smacking his shoulder before she breaks into a coughing fit. _

"_See what I mean?" Stefan says to Chloe before he hands Caroline her water glass. _

_Chloe rolls her eyes too, hiding a hint of a smile. "So how long have you been here playing nursemaid, Stefan?" _

"_Since school got out," Caroline answers as Stefan opens his mouth. "He's been wonderful." _

"_And he's now contaminated," Stefan says, gently pushing away Caroline as she tries to lay one on him. "No kissing!" _

"_Oh, come on!" Caroline laughs before she coughs again. "Please?" _

"_No." _

_As the germy flirting goes on, neither of them notice as Chloe takes out her phone and quickly snaps a picture._

_**.**_

_**.**_

Okay, so it wasn't as bad as it sounds. The photograph, which Chloe had framed and gave to her as a Christmas present, had caught Stefan giving in and kissing her on the forehead.

That became their thing. Their way of saying 'I love you'. Just by that one simple touch.

With tears burning her already sore eyes, Caroline falls into bed, holding the photograph close.

* * *

"What happens now?" Stefan says, glancing at Lexi.

"Are you ready to do what you need to do?" the blonde asks.

"Perhaps," Stefan says, irritated. "If you tell me what the hell it is."

Lexi rolls her eyes before turning towards him, gently placing both of her hands on his elbows. "Okay, kiddo, this is it. I will be back but this is something you are going to have to do alone."

The darkness. The abyss of loneliness is suddenly gone.

And so is Lexi.

He stands in a waiting room - a hospital waiting room. People push by without even registering that he is there. Nurses, doctors, anxious family members.

He hears it.

That voice.

"_What about Stefan?"  
_

He whirls around so quickly that he should have fallen to the floor but he doesn't. He moves like he is on wheels and if he had been solid, he would have sent chairs flying. He moves easily towards that raven head.

His brother. Damon.

_Damon. _

His brother sits with Sheriff Forbes, a Styrofoam cup of coffee in his hands. He looks healthier than Stefan had seen him in ages, which wasn't often in the last year.

"Stefan is in a coma," Liz says. She sits beside Damon, her hands crossed in her lap. "A deep one. He was asleep in the backseat when the accident happened."

"Where were they coming back from?" Damon asks.

"Stefan is ..." The words catch in Liz's throat for a second. "Stefan and my daughter Caroline have been seeing each other for the past year and that night, Caroline was competing in a vocal recital. Stefan and your parents had gone to see her perform."

Damon sighs briefly, taking a draft from his coffee. Liz watches him closely for a moment before turning her blue eyes away.

"The doctor said that it's all up to Stefan now. It's his decision if he pulls through."

"_His _decision to pull through?" Damon repeats, his tone stiffening.

Stefan glances back at the sheriff, raising an eyebrow.

"Say what?" he says aloud, half expecting his brother to turn around and look at him.

He doesn't.

Damon doesn't move and neither does Caroline's mother. Liz continues to talk but Stefan doesn't hear her anymore. Her voice becomes lowered to a dull murmur before the whole picture in front of him begins to fade, being replaced by color.

So much color.

Stefan allows those colors to carry him away into an abyss of nothingness. Where there is no pain, no sadness.

Just nothing.

**.**

**.**

* * *

**The dumb finale awoke my old Stelena shipper heart. I am a Steroline shipper through and through but still, that gave me some feels. I liked Elena's message to Stefan, she really wanted him to be happy. I was making grabby hands at the television going 'That's my Elena!', the one that disappeared after season 2. And that happy lays with Caroline. And Paul can really rip out my heart with his acting. He doesn't have to say a fucking word to just make me want to sob big ugly tears. **

**Review? **


	6. home

_**home**_

* * *

_**.**_

_**.**_

"_What do you want to be when you grow up?" _

"_What?" _

_Caroline watches as Stefan turns wide eyes on her, one thick brow raised. She shrugs a shoulder, flicking a lock of hair out of her eyes as she asks the question again. _

"_Like, what do you want to do? You never tell me where you want to go after high school. We're almost seniors and they're already nagging us to make decisions about our lives." _

"_Many people are undecided well into their twenties, Caroline." She scoffs adorably and Stefan hides a grin. After a beat, he takes her hand. "My father wanted me to be a doctor. Follow in the family practice, all of that jazz." _

"_But you don't?" _

"_Nah," Stefan says. "I kinda want to be a teacher. Kindergarten or maybe first grade." _

"_Awwwww, really?" _

_He chuckles, rolling his eyes. "Don't _awww _me," he says with a grin. _

"_But it's so cute! I think you'd be a great teacher. You love kids so it definitely works. Good practice for being a father."_

"_Don't push it, babe." _

"_Who, me?" _

_**.**_

_**.**_

Her cell phone's shrill ring tone wakes her out of a fitful sleep.

Her hand slaps at the nightstand where she had dropped it before falling onto her bed, her fingers finally tightening around the small device.

"Hwello? I mean, hello?"

"_Caroline, it's Chloe." _

At the sound of her best friend's voice, Caroline almost loses it all over again. Everything, absolutely everything comes rushing back to her at once.

"Hi Chloe," she whispers, pushing her unruly locks out of her eyes.

"_I heard about Stefan. How's he doing?" _

Caroline rises slowly from her bed, pushing the blankets out of the way. She pads across the floor to her dresser, pawing around in one of the drawers for a pair of jeans and a teeshirt.

"He's still in a coma," she says. "My mom threw me out and made me go home. She's still with him."

"_But he's stable?" _

"That's the what the doctor said. It's just so - damn it's just so scary," Caroline says as she walks into the bathroom. Her eyes glance at the digital clock that sits by the sink, wincing as she reads the early hour. "Jeez, I've only been asleep three hours."

"_Then go back to sleep," _Chloe says. "_You won't do Stefan any good if you wrap yourself around a tree trying to go to the hospital." _

"I'm gonna take a cab."

"_Caroline!" _

Caroline's fingers grip the phone a little tighter, fighting back the rise of temper she can feel beginning. "Listen to me, Chloe. I'm all right. I'm just tired. I need to be with Stefan. He needs to know that he's still got a reason to stay so -"

"_What do you mean by that?" _

She sighs, hitting the faucet in the bathtub. "Nothing. I gotta go."

With that, she hangs up the phone and lets it rest on the counter by the sink. She strips off the rest of her rumpled clothing and steps into the shower, probably taking the quickest one she has ever taken in her life. After two minutes, she steps out and pulls on her clothes, realizing when she's pulled the shirt over her head that it's Stefan's Jon Bon Jovi teeshirt.

"Oh god..."

Ignoring makeup and even a hairbrush, she quickly yanks her knotted hair into a bun on top of her head, pulls on her boots and grabs her jacket. She makes the for the stairs, quickly dialing for a cab.

Another forty-five minutes later and her cab driver hadn't even stopped the car in the hospital lane when she's climbing out and throwing a twenty at him.

"Hey! Don't you want your change?!" the driver is shouting after her as she quickly crosses the crosswalk.

"Keep it!" she hollers back, waving over her shoulder before she enters the hospital and goes back to a world that she wishes she was not a part of.

As she walks to the elevators in the main lobby, she sees him again.

Damon.

The elder Salvatore is slumped in a very uncomfortable chair, his arm slung over his eyes. His clothes are rumpled like he had been there all night. Her eyes peel around for her mother, and seeing no sign of her.

With a hesitant sigh, Caroline slowly moves to where Damon is dozing, lightly tapping him on the arm. He jumps slightly, uncovering his eyes to see her standing over him.

"Hey," Caroline says.

"Hey," Damon replies. "You're Caroline."

"I'm Caroline."

* * *

_He's seven years old and he can't stop running. _

_There's always a little bit of hope left in the air, no matter how strangled the air might become. _

_He's seven years old and he sees his father hit his brother for the first time. _

_Damon Salvatore is thirteen years old, growing quickly, and getting ready to take on the world. Ready to just reach over and grab the universe by the throat and give it a good shake. _

_As always, a piece of a seemingly beautiful world must break away and begin to die. _

_It begins with a fight between father and son. Son wants to do something after school that father deems unfit. Son argues, father loses temper and...well you know what happens next. _

_He's seven years old when he sees Giuseppe Salvatore hit his brother so roughly that it knocks him right to the ground. _

_His mother walks in at that moment, seeing the 'incident' right before her very eyes. There's shouting - a lot of it. Cursing - even more than ever. And drinking. _

_That's Giuseppe. _

_To his young eyes, he already understands that something is very wrong. But what he can't understand is why his mommy doesn't do something to fix it. His mommy can do anything. She chases away the monsters under his bed, she makes the best chocolate chip cookies for snack week at school. Why can't she fix this? Why can't she stop it? _

_Giuseppe storms from the room, leaving a trembling Antonia and a now finally crying Damon in his wake. He remains tightly pressed into his hiding spot behind the heavy wooden door, watching through the crack as his mother wraps her arms around his brother, holding him closely to her chest and trying her best to sooth his tears. _

_**.**_

_**.**_

Liz is gone now, disappeared and Stefan doesn't even remember when she left.

This new world is different. Different and oddly frightening.

Watching Damon now, he can see the beginning of a stubble on his face. His eyes are closed and his face, once handsome and charismatic is now...old. His brother, his big brother who is only twenty three, is _old. _

The elder man continues to doze in his chair, arms folded in front of his still too thin chest. His chin drops down and a soft gust of breath escapes his slightly parted lips.

Breath. Breathe. _Breathing. _

Stefan swallows at the non-existent lump in his throat, rising out of his chair. His eyes dart around the waiting room and he sees no one. No one at all.

"Why aren't you up there with me?" he says. "Why are you still sitting down here in this room?"

He waits, almost like he is sure Damon is going to answer him. That his brother is going to throw some smartass remark his way before he keeps going. Everything that he has always known, every asshole thing he said was a cover for the absolute bullshit that was going on inside his heart.

There's nothing.

Absolutely fucking nothing.

He hears the clack of heels and he quickly turns, seeing _her. _

Oh my god, she is so beautiful. And holy hell, she's wearing his Jon Bon Jovi shirt.

"_You're Caroline." _

"_Yeah. I'm Caroline." _

_**.**_

_**.**_

"Stefan."

Lexi's there and he's already reaching out like a kitten for a food tray. His friend takes his hands, squeezing his fingers lightly in between hers, her eyes softened into a smile.

"You have to keep going back," Lexi whispers.

He knows what she means by that and it's the last thing he wants to do. He can't see it. He doesn't want too.

"It's okay."

No. No, it's not okay.

Lexi's fingers slip out of his grasp and he's reaching out once again, clawing at the now chilled night air.

**.**

**.**

_The first thing he sees is blackness. _

_And then a star. _

_He's laying on his back and he doesn't know why. _

_Surprisingly, there's no pain as he rises to his feet. He moves steadily forward, his eyes still on that star so far away from him and yet so close. He keeps moving. He doesn't stop. _

_And then he stops. _

_His eyes go from that beautiful and gentle light of the winter star to the flashing red and blue lights in front of him. _

_Dozens of people milling about, running back and forth. He sees probably four police cars, and two ambulances. Gurneys are being pulled out of the backs of the ambulances, medics pushing them forward. _

"_Hello?" he tries to speak to a medic that races by him. The man doesn't even acknowledge that he is standing there. _

_Stefan follows the elder man, follows his footsteps without realizing that he is making none of his own in the slushy muddy road. _

_He's sees his mother's Ford first, laying upside down in the gulley. The headlights are still on, shining out their bright and deadly rays into the darkness of the night. _

"_Oh god...Mom!" _

_He begins to run forward but stops. _

_He stops because he sees something. _

_Something so...horrible..._

_His own body lays in the muddy grass, his eyes wide open and unseeing. Two medics lean over him, one reaching down to close his eyelids. _

No! No, I'm not dead!

"_He's got a pulse. Weak and thready but it's there." _

_The other medic nods in agreement. _

"_The poor kid. Let's get him loaded up in the ambulance." _

"_What about the father?"  
_

"_DOA." _

Greg. Nononono.

No!

_Stefan fights at the sob that is rising in his throat, watching for a brief moment as the paramedics begin to lift his own lifeless body up and onto a gurney. _

"_Uh-oh, lost a pulse." _

"_Dammit, we're losing him!" _

"_I'm not dead!" he tries to shout after them, following. If he had been solid, he would have tripped in the mud but this time, he's floating. He's floating on the cold night air and carried away into a world that is brand new. "I'm not dead! I'm not dead! I'mnotdead!" _

_**.**_

_**.**_

Then it's all back again.

_This kid's waking up an orphan. If he wakes up, that is. _

He watches through a glass window as a doctor whispers words in his ear while he lays unconscious on a metal table.

"_You are going to have a long uphill battle to fight, honey," she whispers. "You are still here. But if you need to let go...let go...I am not giving up on you though. This is all up to you now, love." _

And he watches once again as his heart stops beating and the doctor's words change.

"_Come on, honey," she whispers through her mask as she works on his chest. "Come on. You've got it in you. You are a fighter. Come on." _

For some reason, he's pounding on the glass window, shouting out those words.

_I'm not dead! _

_I'm not dead!_

I'm not dead.

"_He's back." _

_**.**_

_**.**_

* * *

**I can't seem to get these chapters very long! Sorry! **

**Review? Pweeze? **


	7. together

_**together**_

* * *

"_There's only us, there's only this, Forget regret or life is yours to miss!"  
_

"_Seriously? Rent?" _

_She lightly smacks the back of his head. "Shut up, I know you love it."_

"_I would love it if I could have some quiet. Please? Pretty please? Just for a few minutes?" _

_Caroline groans, tapping the off button on her stereo before flopping down onto the bed beside Stefan. "What are you doing, anyway?" She swipes one of the pieces of paper that he is currently pouring over, her eyes quickly taking in the bolded words that glare back at her. "Oh, Stefan!" Stefan snatches the paper back from her, stuffing it underneath a heavy textbook that lays unopened at his elbow. _

"_Don't get excited, all right? It's just one application." _

"_To a great college. You will get in in nothing flat," Caroline nearly squeals, leaning past him to grab at the papers once again. Stefan pushes them out of her reach and onto the floor. "Oh, come on!" _

"_Nothing doing," Stefan says. "Hands off." _

"_What about hands on?" _

"_Huh?" _

_When her fingertips make contact with the hem of his teeshirt, Stefan gets the picture. _

"Oh."

_Caroline grins widely, leaning in to press her lips against his in a soft, chaste kiss. Followed by another. And then another. Stefan is returning them after a beat, to which they become more heated, more needed. _

_There's no stopping. _

"_Are you sure, Caroline?" Stefan whispers against the shell of her ear. Her wordless nod is enough of an answer. "Have you ever done this before?" When Caroline doesn't answer, he pulls back. _

_She gazes up at him with an almost serene expression, just a hint of nervousness in her eyes. "No," she says after a beat. "I've fooled around before but I've never -" _

"_Gone all the way," Stefan finishes for her. _

"_Yeah." It takes another minute before Caroline catches the hint in Stefan's voice. "You're kidding!" _

_Just the tips of his ears turning red, Stefan rolls his eyes. "It's not a big thing, Caroline." _

"_What do you mean, 'it's not a big thing'?" Caroline chirrups. "You're Stefan Salvatore! You're one of the most, if not _the _most popular guy in our grade. Girls drool all over you and you're telling me that you're a - _virgin? _What, are you saving yourself for Miss Right?" _

_Stefan leans in again, his lips touching hers. "Maybe I did." _

_That's all it takes to shut her up. Those three little words. _

_Stefan's mouth against hers is firm, velvety, and oh so right. She returns the kiss with the same certainty, her fingers lightly pushing up on the hem of his teeshirt. Once it is over his head, she feels his hands working at the braid that holds her blond curls back. _

"_I like your curls," Stefan murmurs. _

_Her hair hangs loose around her face within moments. _

_The next ten minutes are lost to her, lost in something brand new and perfect. _

_Being touched, doing the touching. Exploring with fingers, lips, and tongues - each caress is heaven opening up and shining down with the glory of joy and absolute serenity. _

_Everything's all right. _

_A small whimper of pain leaves her lips when he slips inside of her for the first time. She holds on to the wave of hope that still reels her in, digging her fingernails into his upper biceps. Her thumb scrapes the etching of a ruby-like rose, tracing it, imprinting into her memory. _

_She loves roses. _

_She doesn't understand what the big hub-bub is about lilies. Meh, they were pretty. If you were at a funeral, that is. _

_Roses could survive. Roses could hold onto life and in the spring, become beautiful once again. _

_The pain fades, replaced by pleasure. _

_Replaced by love. _

.

.

* * *

Caroline lowers herself down onto the bed beside Stefan, taking careful ease not to bump the plethora of wires, tubes, and monitors that surround him.

Her fingers find his, gently curling through the digits. She rests her head lightly against his shoulder, her nose pressing into the bare skin that peeks above the itchy cotton of the hospital gown.

She can hear it. She can hear his heart.

His heart is still beating. Actually beating, not kept going by these machines.

"Can you hear me, Stefan?" she whispers against his skin.

Her other hand searches for the drawing on his arm, for the rose that she had found herself absentmindedly tracing on those lazy afternoons while he laid curled against her on her mother's sofa. The television would be playing some stupid soap opera that she enjoyed and he put up with only because he loved her.

He loved her. She loved him.

"_No other path, no other way. No day but today," _she breathes into the damp air of the hospital room.

_Come back. Come back to me. _

_**.**_

_**.**_

* * *

**Okay, so it looks like that this is actually going to be a series of drabbles. I cannot seem to get the chapters very long, no matter how hard I try. I'm sorry, I know it's frustrating but this is how this fic seems to working out. I hope that's not going to be too much of a problem for everybody. **


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